I have demons in me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
