I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
