You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize