Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
