Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize