i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
