Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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