They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
