Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm at about main and main street
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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