I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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