ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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