I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
