you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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