we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
