dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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