What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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