ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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