i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
