and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
