I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I want a musical about memes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
