I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
