Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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