Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
