Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
