i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
