my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
