I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
