So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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