We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
