chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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