Do you still have your period?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
