you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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