At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
