"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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