yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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