haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
