we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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