i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
