After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
