I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
