david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
