Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
