Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
