I will die if light touches me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize