i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
