Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
