: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
