There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
