i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
