thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
