Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
