Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
