she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
