Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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