It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
