She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize