this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
