Got a toothbrush?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
