I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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