just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
