Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
