i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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