Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
