I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
