I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
