vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
