my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
