Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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